Aftermaths Of Death

I used to really like/look up to a person, but then that person basically told me that I couldn't have real pain when someone else died (because I hadn't seen that person in four years). It has irritated me to the point that I now hate, no hate is perhaps a bit strong... dislike that person with every fiber of my being. How can you tell another person that they have no "right" to grieve for another person? I don't care who you are, you can't ever know how another person's feeling (be inside their head). Yet you're basically saying that you know exactly how they feel, when you say they aren't "allowed" to grieve for the other person.

Another thing that has irked me is the fact that if they say a person has no right to grieve for someone they've not seen for four years how would it be if I suddenly died? Should I write in my will that anyone I've not seen in four years is not allowed to grieve for me? Sounds so stupid! They may not know everything about me now, but they knew me four years ago. Would they not be allowed to call to mind all the memories they do have of me and them (no matter how long ago)? The person who told me all this is of the opinion that they wouldn't be allowed, yet they had'nt seen the person who died for a while either....

It's probably just their way of dealing with their grief, but it's pushing others (like myself) a million miles away. They keep talking about what the person who died would have wanted, yet they've become a nightmare themselves (and I'm really sure the other really wouldn't have wanted that).

I've also heard that people like myself (who haven't seen the deceased for a while) are hypocrites only saying they miss the deceased. It hurts to hear this sort of stuff because I cried my eyes out when I was told (and I was the last one people thought to tell - out of sight out of mind sort of thing I guess). Crying your eyes out doesn't necessarily mean anything, but I know myself very well, and I was devistated. My life changed after the death and I realized (even more than before) that life is precious, and it's important to just do the things you want, instead of going around waiting for the "perfect" time.

And what's that about, anyway? What is the "perfect" time? Is there even such a thing?